


so if you think it's love, it is

by sajere1



Category: Dimension 20 (Web Series)
Genre: Aromantic Character, Asexual Character, M/M, Platonic Romance, Sexuality Crisis, deliberately vague as to whether the nature of the relationship is 'romantic', live your qp and also ace gay dreams its all gravy baby
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-17
Updated: 2020-03-17
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:02:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23190574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sajere1/pseuds/sajere1
Summary: Fabian asks Riz out, and Riz is forced to confront what that means for him.Or: on not knowing who you are or what you want, on the thin line between romance and friendship, and on the ways we love each other.
Relationships: Riz Gukgak & Fabian Aramais Seacaster, Riz Gukgak/Fabian Aramais Seacaster
Comments: 16
Kudos: 196





	so if you think it's love, it is

Five hours after Fabian confesses, Riz shows up on the doorstep of Seacaster Manor with a posterboard under his arm and says, “After a lot of deliberation, I have decided I need your advice to proceed.”

“Um,” says Fabian, who has spent the hours since Riz bailed on him moping under his million-thread-count Elvish blanket with Basrar’s infinite ice cream sandwich bag, picking apart his own stuttered attempts at romance, playing the songs Fig wrote for Ayda on repeat, and generally feeling pretty sorry for himself. “What – “

Riz pushes past him through the doorway. “I made a PowerPoint,” he says, brandishing the posterboard as he marches up to Fabian’s bedroom, Fabian lurching confused and half-stupid behind him. “But Adaine said it was illegible, so I’ve done my best to transcribe the main points.”

How much coffee has Riz had?? “The Ball – “ Fabian tries again, speedwalking to match Riz’s gait as they push into his bedroom.

Riz bristles, fixing Fabian with a narrow glare as he comes to a stop in the middle of the bedroom. Fabian’s voice drops. “If you’re – “ Riz falters, the turquoise blush that makes Fabian’s heart beat too-fast spreading over his noise. He looks determinedly at the floor. “If we’re going to talk about – if you really, um, feel. About.” He glances up at the ceiling, to either side, back to the floor, back up. “If you – like me, then you can use my name.”

Fabian winces – sighs, runs a hand over his face. It’s better that Riz isn’t looking at him, actually, because he’s been determinedly pretending not to cry for several hours now, and he isn’t sure if he could handle Riz’s insight clocking that about him. He’s too emotionally exhausted to be freaking out now, with Riz standing in front of him rambling, but his stomach rolls even just thinking how obvious the heartache must be on his face. “Riz,” he concedes with a miserable defeat. “Can… _whatever_ this is wait a day?”

Riz looks at him for the first time since entering the manor. Fabian can see the situation process immediately – the blanket still clung close over his shoulders, the red rims of his eyes, the mess of his hair. He looks away before Riz’s eyes can go soft – the shame roiling over his core is bad enough without adding pity to it. “Oh,” Riz says, something like surprise in his voice.

“Look, just – “ Fabian makes a helpless motion towards the door. “Whatever’s happened, I’m sure Gorgug will be happy to help if you need muscle, or Fig if you need bard stuff, and if you really need me, I, I promise I’ll be along in due time, but just – maybe for a couple of days, you could rely on the others instead?” He tacks on a desperate “…please?” in a small voice when Riz makes no sign of moving, just keeps looking at Fabian’s form, small and hunched and miserable.

Riz’s fingers curl over the edges of his poster, looking down at it and back up at Fabian, hesitant eyes. “You – want to kiss me,” he blurts out eyes darting around, and then winces.

Jesus Christ. “Riz,” Fabian starts again, pained – 

“Just – just hold on.” Riz flaps a hand at him. “I wasn’t done. You want to kiss me and I – I’m – “ He sets the posterboard down, hurried, presumably for later use so that for now he can wring his hands, pacing back and forth. “And I – don’t know,” he says, hurried, “if I want to kiss you, and I’m trying to figure it out, so just – just bear with me.”

Fabian pauses. _…What?_ “I thought it was pretty clear when you fuckin’ ran away,” he says, self-pity edged out of his voice by the tone of doubt.

Riz shakes his head, furiously, back and forth. “Me, too!” he complains, brow furrowed, his Mystery Solving Expression. “I thought it was, like, awkward, but what it was. Y’know? I thought – “ He gestures uselessly to the room around them. “But, but since you brought it up, I’ve been thinking about it, and – “

Fabian condemns himself to the reality that Riz isn’t leaving anytime soon. With a grand flourish and a sigh he sits down on the floor, in the middle of the makeshift pity nest of blankets he’d been consoling himself in. “And you’ve changed your mind?” he says, trying to figure out if he should be feeling hopeful or weary or angry at being left to doubt for so long or the weird, awful mixture that is actually coming over him.

“I don’t know!” Riz throws his hands up. “I’ve never – “ he looks at Fabian, and then himself again, ears twitching. “I – you can’t tell anyone this, because it’ll be weird, but I – I’ve never. Felt that before. The way you guys all, you, uh, have – have sex, and stuff, that’s not – I’ve never – “

“Oh,” Fabian says. “Like being asexual?”

Riz stops short. “Like _what?”_

“Kristen mentioned it to Adaine a while ago.” This clocks, actually. Riz wasn’t there for that discussion. “It’s just, like – not interested in that sort of stuff.” He forces himself to work up an encouraging smile. “That’s fine, dude, no one’s gonna judge you, and I’m, like…glad you can tell me, but maybe, if you wanna wait to talk about it until I’m not – “

“But – “ Riz makes a series of complicated hand motions. “I _do!”_

Fabian stares. This isn’t making any sense. “…okay?” he says, for lack of anything else.

Riz is back to pacing, even faster now, babbling the way he does when he’s got red string and determination. “I never have before, but you mentioned it, and now I’m – not sex stuff, maybe, but I started thinking about, like, kissing, after you brought it up, and then I couldn’t stop thinking about it, and now I’m like – maybe I can feel those things? All along, maybe I could? Or – or maybe I can’t, but I’m trying to convince myself I can, because I want to – I don’t know, because I want to make you happy? I don’t – “ He makes a pained noise and sits down on Fabian’s bed with a flounce, staring determined like Fabian will have the answers for him. “Can I like people or _not?!”_ he demands, glaring at Fabian like it’s _his_ fault.

Which, Fabian supposes, it sort of is. He thinks he’s probably a few steps behind where Riz is, but the part of him that’s vaguely keeping up is a little touched that Riz is worried about him. “The Ba – Riz,” he catches himself, perching his chin in his hand. “If it’s – I mean, obviously, if you want to, um, try, to see, I’d be happy to. But you don’t have to force yourself into stuff for me. That’s not – I don’t want to make you feel like you have to, to do those things.”

“But what if we – try,” and Riz’s face goes blue again, adorable in a way that Fabian can’t help but take a moment to smile at, “and then – and then it turns out I was lying to myself? What if – “ he makes a vague, helpless noise. “I want – you’re – even if I’m not, actually, romantic, you’re. The most important person. To me. And if – what if we try it, and I hate it after all, and you have to put up with that? That’s – that’s what’s bothering me. What if – “ The determination has fallen from his eyes a little to reveal something more vulnerable, more alone.

Fabian isn’t good with words. But – a laugh forces itself out, despite himself. “Riz,” he says. “Then that’s – fine.”

Riz’s brow furrows deeper. “But – “

“I want you whatever way you want to be,” Fabian plows on before Riz can interrupt his exhausted attempts at romance. Not-romance? Unclear. “If that’s making out, then I want to make out. If it’s – “ he clears his throat – “doing, uh, more, sexual, yeah. Then I want that too. And if – if you don’t want either of those, but you want to – I don’t know, cuddle, or go on dates, or whatever. Or if you want none of that.” Fabian shrugs. “I want what you want to give. Whatever that is.”

Riz’s eyes have gone a little soft, a complex mix of worried and hopeful and vulnerable that Fabian would not recognize on anyone else, but he has spent so long staring at Riz and hoping that it’s impossible to slide past him. “…even if I change my mind about stuff later?” Riz says, voice catching a little.

Hope, Fabian decides, is the dominant thing he’s feeling right now. He smiles weakly. “You said – about being an important person, right?” Riz nods. “You’re – you’re the most important person to me, too. Even if you’re the most important person as a – a not-romance, you’re the most important person to me. And I – want to stay that way. I want to be important to you, too. So whatever makes that happen, and makes you happy…yeah.”

There is a long moment where Riz clears his throat, starts to say something, and clears his throat again. He looks down at his posterboard. “Fuck,” he says. “I didn’t remember – I had a speech. We skipped the speech.”

Fabian snorts, half-hearted. “If even Adaine thought it was bad, I would’ve been totally lost,” he says.

Riz gets down off the bed. Fabian’s heart stops as he walks forwards, and then beats immeasurably faster when he drops down in the blanket nest, so that they’re sitting together, legs almost touching. Riz takes a long, shaky breath, looking up and back down. “…okay?” he says, voice shaking.

“Okay,” Fabian replies, a little dazed. “If – if you want to stop. Just say stop. Okay?”

“Okay,” Riz whispers. “I’m going to try to kiss you now.”

“Okay,” Fabian says again. He closes his eyes. He jumps at the cold touch of fingers on his cheek, hesitantly angling his face down, tugging him forward. He smells gross, he thinks at the last second in horror. He should’ve put on deodorant. Or at least done his hair. Oh, god, he's going to kiss Riz with tear tracks on his face, this is terrible – 

Riz kisses him, and it stops being important.

**Author's Note:**

> me projecting all of my grey aro high school panic over a character the moment im given any excuse to: My Character Now
> 
> i love fabian/riz, and i love ace/aro riz, and the last few weeks and the absolute delight of canon-ace/aro riz (!!!!) have allowed me to finally considering the two of them together in a way that is genuinely, really wonderful for me. i've headcanoned demisexual riz for a long time and am absolutely fucking STOKED to see it get validated, but i wanted to explore high school riz with an orientation a little closer to what i myself had, and the many panics that came with it, in a way that left it open for any of the many headcanons along the ace spectrum that people might prefer. i hope i did that!
> 
> title from the song 'if you think its love' by king princess. for more Hot ace riz & general fabriz content, romance and qp partnership, hmu @riz-gukgak on tumblr!


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